In life, you will find people who will go out of their way to make you happy, but more often than not, we come across dickheads who will go out of their way to prioritise themselves and walk over you in the process (dickheads). To these people, nothing will make them happy unless they are either doing it first, or making sure that you don’t do it. Power can have this affect on people, which it why some bosses should never have become bosses in the first place, since their only concern is themselves. That being said, you will come across people who are absolute pushovers who will not stand up for themselves, or others. Neither category is what we should aspire to be. Nobody wants a self-absorbed dickhead in their friendship group, and it’s never in your best interest to let someone belittle you. This is where a healthy balance comes in (amen), and you can get to this point by firstly identifying your values.
Take a moment…what are your values? What are the key aspects to people and life that are paramount to you? For example, this could be honesty, you value trustworthiness in people far more than humour. Or maybe you value your health before you value money. Whatever your values are, just take a moment to ponder why exactly they’re important to you. These values are your little red flags, and whenever you feel as though your value isn’t being respected by someone else, you know that it’s time to take action.
Think about the worst date you’ve ever been on (oh boy…literally), and cast your mind back to what immediately turned you off about that person (like being weirdly involved in your teacher’s personal life – thank god I’m gay). Whatever values that they had or didn’t have, that deterred you, carry this through to your everyday life. If your date was constantly on their phone, then you value face-to-face interaction more than they do. If your date was rude to you, then you value respect and decency.
Being clear of your values is a form of self-care. By making sure you and those who you interact, with understand what’s important to you, you can decide whether someone’s treatment of you is right or wrong. For me, I value openness in people, I find it calming to know where I stand with someone in terms of being liked or disliked. This stems from past friendships where I was mistreated, and past love interests that took more joy in playing games than making their intentions clear. So, if I come across somebody who doesn’t respect this, and acts in a way that makes me unclear, I know immediately to place that relationship as peripheral – they do not matter in the grand scheme of things. There is no point triggering my anxiety by allowing someone to disrespect me.
So what’s the take away message (welcome to my apparent TED Talk)? Trust in your values and you will never have to make a frenemy again.
Featured Image Credit 📷: Alexandre Godreau