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Driving Miss Crazy

Hello folks! It’s been a little while since I last posted, but with the dust now settled on my university deadlines, and after spending time with loved ones (ha gaayyyyyy), it’s time to return. And what better way to make comeback, than to divulge into what’s been going on in my life recently. Partly, the inspiration for this post comes from both my want to share my experience with finally accessing talking therapy, and from a shoutout from an instagram follower. If you haven’t already, following this blog on social media is the best way for me to share content, display what’s occurring in my world, and interact with you lovely people. If social media isn’t your bag (I get it, who needs likes), then you can subscribe to my email list, where you will receive a notification every time I post.

Photo Credit 📷: Prateek Katyal

On with the post…

As I’ve mentioned, over the past month, I have finally started proper therapy. I use the term “proper” because in my experience, the online cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) that is often dished out to patients whose needs don’t exceed that needed to actually devote time to, is a load of bollocks. For more about online CBT, visit my post “The Villainy of the Waiting List”.

A year after starting my mental illness recovery, I had an appointment to see a psychiatrist about my depression and anxiety. Was I nervous about it? Absolutely not! I understand that for many people, particularly those with anxiety disorders, can find spilling your emotions out to a stranger like bungee jumping without a cord. In fact, I’m the opposite. Put me in front of a stranger in a suit, and sit me down in a nice comfy chair, and I’ll tell you the deepest, darkest thoughts inside my brain. Put me in front of someone I care about, and I’ll struggle to tell you what’s causing my suffering.

Photo Credit 📷: Marco Bianchetti

However, there was one thing that did make me want to throw up when I thought about going to therapy.

Driving.

I passed my driving test back in August (third time lucky!) and so, I’ve had a few months to adjust into becoming an independent driver. That being said, I have found that Annie the Anxiety Monster, loves to make me scared shitless at the thought of driving anywhere busy. I’d like to think I’m a fairly good driver (haven’t run anyone down yet), and so there is the logical side of me that knew that getting to my therapy appointment would be simpler than what Annie told me. Yet, on the morning I was set to drive off, I honestly thought I would not be able to drive due to my body shaking and sweating (ew).

But, dear reader, I did it. Yes bitch! Ya girl conquered Annie, and sent that cow packing (later hater!). Once I was on my way, I felt more confident by the minute. Okay, I may have nearly missed a junction…but I didn’t! It was exhilarating, being in control and being able to push my anxiety aside. By the time I arrived at therapy, I was still shaking but the worry of the drive home was gone.

Photo Credit 📷: takahiro taguchi 

So far, I am finding value in the therapy. I’m fortunate to have been put under the watchful eye of a psychiatrist who knows their salt, and I am astonished at how valid my thoughts and emotions are made. It’s wonderful to know that there is someone, who is impartial, and yet understands how my past has impacted my mental wellbeing.

If you are on the waiting list for therapy, I would encourage you to hold on. It is not easy, I know, but I’m currently having a positive experience. You may get to a point, like I did, where you desperately need more help than you’re getting. If you’re in this boat and don’t know what to do, or if you think you need clarity on how your mental state is, I would urge you to seek my ‘Help’ page where you can find phone numbers and web-links to help centres around the world.

See you next time!

Featured Image Credit 📷: Martin Dubé

2 replies on “Driving Miss Crazy”

Best of luck with therapy, sounds like you’re really motivated to give it your best shot. One piece of advice if I may, try and make sure the therapist stays on point week to week. I’ve had therapists in the past who can make me feel better after a session, but there’s no overarching structure, and the session is very superficial, when what I needed was a deep dive. If they just ask you how your week has been and only talk about that, that’s not good.

Hi Christopher! Thank you for your words of wisdom, I’ll bear them in mind during the coming months. Fortunately, so far my therapist has been coinciding listening to my weekly troubles, along with a structured plan of action. It’s always useful though to hear other people’s experiences.

Jess,
Earth, Mind & Fire

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