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Mental Health

Haus of Pain

We all have painful memories and regrets, but we can learn to forgive ourselves and move on.

Just a quick note before we start, this post will be talking about regrets and painful memories. However, I hope it’ll be an insight into how I moved on from my past. This was inspired by the recent #entanglement fiasco with Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith. And no, I am not going to start gossiping about their marriage and the morals behind Jada’s (potential) infidelity. Instead, I will draw upon my own experiences from previous relationships that have caused me pain.

Photo Credit 📷: Priscilla Du Preez

Letting People Go

Relationships can be complicated.

Relationships are not always fruitful.

Now back in some of my previous relationships, not just my romantic ones but also my relationships with friends, I would have always agreed with the first statement – but maybe not the second. As an 18 year old starting university, my values for relationships were far different than what they are now. I thought that love would always find a way to make a relationship work; and it doesn’t. I believed that if I tried hard enough to mould myself into a specific lifestyle, I would gain friends that would stand by me years later at my future wedding; and I was wrong. If you’ve read my post “When You Feel Hard Done By”, this may sound familiar.

Photo Credit 📷: Kinga Cichewicz

When I left certain romantic relationships, or friendships, I had to recover. I found that the best initial step was to reflect, and this was the hardest part because it forced me to re-evaluate everything I believed, and flip it on it’s ugly head. I sat myself down and admitted that I broke someone’s heart, and that I wasn’t treated the way I deserved to be treated.

If this is you, go ahead and write it all down, work extra hard at the gym or meditate those feelings into the air – because the sooner you open up, the quicker you get better.

Photo Credit 📷: Tanya Trofymchuk

Moving On

Eventually, you’ll wain away from the practise and go about your life, like I did. You won’t forget, but you won’t actively think about the pain. However, there will be times where you will remember and the pain will hit you in your heart or your gut. At this moment, you have to decide: do I accept the pain, or do I defend the pain. To accept is to move on, to defend creates unfathomable justifications for a reality that doesn’t exist.

I know this post isn’t as funny or witty as many of my other light-hearted subjects, and I do believe that laughing about the tough stuff is a great way to move on, but sometimes you need to start the healing before you can laugh about it.

I hope you find this enlightening, and I will see you again soon. Stay safe x

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Featured Image Credit 📷: Kelly Sikkema

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