Mental Health

2 Years Clean of Self-Harm

Please be aware that the following post contains references to self-harm, for information on where you can get help, please head over to the Help page.

Last year, I celebrated one year of being clean with a post, in which I detailed my history and struggle with self-harm (link). I won’t say that last year’s post means less than today’s, because anyone who manages to even go one day without hurting themselves, deserves ample praise. However, given that 2020 was…well, 2020, I believe that this year’s praise feels different.

One Year On From Self-Harm

After my first year clean, I thought that the road to recovery would be smooth sailing. I had just passed the first hurdle – right? My second year was going to be a year of rejuvenated health both in body and mind. I thought I would go about my daily life never thinking about harming myself. A razor blade would just be a tool to shave my legs and not a weapon against myself.

My dear reader, I was mistaken.

Two Years On

Whilst I did notice that my overall mood had changed, the urge never left me completely. Despite the chaos and weariness of 2020, I know I have been stronger. Yet, on my darkest days, I still felt the pull to punish myself for being weak and to chastise myself for being a bad person. A week ago, I sat in my bedroom, crying. I tried desperately to not pick up a razor blade. I am clean, but not fully healed.

My Future

Fear not, dear reader! The world has not yet ended. Whilst my fight against the demons in my head still rages, the war will be won! I have learnt that progress does not happen overnight, or even in a year. I will keep going, for I know that I am better than that, and I am learning to love myself more and more each day.

If there is anything I wish for you to take away from this post, reader, is that you are always worth fighting for.

Stay safe,

J x

If you live in the UK, and need urgent care for self-harm injuries or mental health, please follow this link

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