How often do you admit defeat?
What do you think of when you read the word ‘defeat’? How does it make you feel?
Sometimes, admitting that we have a mental illness feels like defeat. We feel like we have failed ourselves or our loved ones. We feel ashamed of that failure, or worse, we deny that we have even fallen.
Over the last couple of months, I have fallen. My anxiety has been impacting my life in so many ways. My relationship with not only myself, but with the world around me, had become so chaotic that I constantly felt overwhelmed. I have pressure at work, problems with my uni course, guilt over not posting on this blog enough and it affected me deeply. Everyday, I survive the day but I wasn’t thriving.
So, I went back to therapy.
If you have been following me for a while, and dear reader, thank you so much for sticking with me, then you will recall that this time last year I was getting discharged from therapy.
When I left therapy last year, I really thought that the world was my oyster (honestly, what does that phrase even mean?). In February 2020, the sun was on my face (well, as much English sun as one can get) and my head was held high.
And then March happened and literally the world fell apart.
Defeated by Covid
For a long time, I felt like I was the strong one in my relationships when Covid hit. I was helping others through, working my butt off as an essential worker and keeping a good ol’ stiff upper lip. The truth is, no one can be strong all the time.
I am now learning that having a stiff upper lip is a load of bullshit. We are human beings! We were built to think and feel! Why should I hold back and turn inside?
I am allowed to be vulnerable, to be vulnerable is to be human.
If you are really struggling with your mental health, please don’t suffer in silence. Visit my ‘Help‘ page to find links to mental health hotlines and webpages all over the world. If you would like more information about mental illnesses, check out the NHS’ Mental health page for more.